i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
