That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
