Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
