oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Bring me that man meat
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
