Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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