Don't you send me to vm
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
