i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
