I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
