Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
