How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
