I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
