it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
