I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
