don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
