He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
