just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
