Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
