This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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