Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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