If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
