we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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