i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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