I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
