5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
