did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
