As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
