i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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