This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
