So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
