okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
