Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
