Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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