lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
