I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
