farters have to be the big spoon...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
