I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
