this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
