My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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