i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
