Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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