I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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