Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
