Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
