So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
