I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
