wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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