I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
