walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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