did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
