we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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