Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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