my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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