In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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